Colorado Smith enters, holding his phone out as if he is streaming live.
COLORADO: Hello, friends and fans, Colorado Smith here, hot on the trail of the treasure of Moses in the Puzzling Pyramids. Well, I had a little detour yesterday when I wandered into a tourist attraction instead of the actual Pyramids, but thanks to a man I met in the gift shop, I now have a real map showing the way. It says here that the only way into the pyramids is through… oh my. It says it’s through the snake tunnel. I don’t like the sound of that
at all. You know Colorado Smith has faced all sorts of dangers.
Cobra Cairo enters.
COLORADO: I’ve braved lions and tigers, spiders and centipedes. But the one thing I hate, the one thing I can’t stand is a snake!
COBRA: Aw, gee, pal, way to make a guy feel good. You know you’re gonna lose a lot of fans, trash talking us.
COLORADO: Aaah! A snake! Please don’t bite me.
COBRA: I’m not gonna bite you, guy. Settle down, will ya?
COLORADO: You expect me to believe you? A snake?
COBRA: I’m not just any snake, pal. I’m Cobra Cairo!
COLORADO: You are?
COBRA: I am!
COLORADO: I am a huge fan of yours!
COBRA: Oh no.
COLORADO: I watched all the movies as a boy.
COBRA: Here we go.
COLORADO: And I’ve watched every season on Netflix.
COBRA: Oh brother.
COLORADO: I even saw the music video a few years ago for “Sweep the Leg.” Brilliant I tell you!
COBRA: Hey, buddy, read my snaky lips. I’m Cobra Cairo. Cobra, Cai, RO.
COLORADO: You mean you’re not?
COBRA: Dude, I’m a real snake! I don’t know how to sweep the leg.
COLORADO: Yes, I can see where that might be difficult for you.
COBRA: Not as easy with a tail as it is with legs.
COLORADO: My apologies Cobra Cai-RO. You must get tired of fanboys mistaking you for someone else.
COBRA: Not as turned as my cousin Destro gets, let me tell ya.
COLORADO: Another joke for the dads. I love it.
COBRA: So what’s your name, guy?
COLORADO: Colorado Smith!
COBRA: And what brings you to the Puzzling Pyramid?
COLORADO: I’m on a quest for adventure, excitement, and–
COBRA: The treasure of Moses?
COLORADO: The thought had crossed my mind. Unfortunately, if this map is true, I am afraid I’ll never make it into the Pyramid.
COBRA: What’s the matter? Afraid of a little tunnel?
COLORADO: If it’s full of snakes, yes!
COBRA: Come on, I’ll walk you through.
COLORADO: No can do.
COBRA: It’s only 600 yards long. It’s like five football fields. Six if you’re from Canada.
COLORADO: Not gonna happen.
COBRA: Wow. I haven’t seen a heart that hard since the days of Moses?
COLORADO: Really? Moses had a hard heart?
COBRA: No, but the Pharaoh did. He refused to listen when Moses told him to set God’s people free.
COLORADO: He did, huh? So what happened to him?
COBRA: Bad things.
COLORADO: Bad things?
COBRA: Ten bad things.
COLORADO: How bad were they?
COBRA: You know that little tunnel you don’t wanna enter?
COLORADO: Yes.
COBRA: Worse than that.
COLORADO: Ouch.
COBRA: God sent a lot of bad things to Egypt because Pharaoh wouldn’t listen. A river of blood. Lots of bugs. Disease. Darkness. Pharaoh refused to listen. He should have been more like Moses. That guy listened when God called.
COLORADO: He hopped to it, as I recall.
COBRA: He sure did.
COLORADO: So the wise thing to do is to listen when God calls… even if it’s something you don’t wanna do.
COBRA: Look, pal, I know it’s not what you wanna do, but if you listen to me, I’ll help you slither inside this pyramid so you can find that treasure.
COLORADO: You promise not to bite me?
COBRA: I promise.
COLORADO: Not even a little?
COBRA: Not even a little snakey lick.
COLORADO: No strike fast, strike hard, no mercy, sir?
COBRA: For the last time, I’m Cobra Cai-RO!
COLORADO: Okay, Cobra Cairo. I trust you. Now lead the way.
COBRA: You got it. (Looks off stage.) Hey, guys, everyone clear the way! World famous explorer coming through, so no biting!
VOICE OFF STAGE: COBRAAAAAAA!
COLORADO: Let me guess, your cousin Destro?
COBRA: My brother Zartan. Come on, Colorado Smith!
COLORADO: Hello, friends and fans, Colorado Smith here, hot on the trail of the treasure of Moses in the Puzzling Pyramids. Well, I had a little detour yesterday when I wandered into a tourist attraction instead of the actual Pyramids, but thanks to a man I met in the gift shop, I now have a real map showing the way. It says here that the only way into the pyramids is through… oh my. It says it’s through the snake tunnel. I don’t like the sound of that
at all. You know Colorado Smith has faced all sorts of dangers.
Cobra Cairo enters.
COLORADO: I’ve braved lions and tigers, spiders and centipedes. But the one thing I hate, the one thing I can’t stand is a snake!
COBRA: Aw, gee, pal, way to make a guy feel good. You know you’re gonna lose a lot of fans, trash talking us.
COLORADO: Aaah! A snake! Please don’t bite me.
COBRA: I’m not gonna bite you, guy. Settle down, will ya?
COLORADO: You expect me to believe you? A snake?
COBRA: I’m not just any snake, pal. I’m Cobra Cairo!
COLORADO: You are?
COBRA: I am!
COLORADO: I am a huge fan of yours!
COBRA: Oh no.
COLORADO: I watched all the movies as a boy.
COBRA: Here we go.
COLORADO: And I’ve watched every season on Netflix.
COBRA: Oh brother.
COLORADO: I even saw the music video a few years ago for “Sweep the Leg.” Brilliant I tell you!
COBRA: Hey, buddy, read my snaky lips. I’m Cobra Cairo. Cobra, Cai, RO.
COLORADO: You mean you’re not?
COBRA: Dude, I’m a real snake! I don’t know how to sweep the leg.
COLORADO: Yes, I can see where that might be difficult for you.
COBRA: Not as easy with a tail as it is with legs.
COLORADO: My apologies Cobra Cai-RO. You must get tired of fanboys mistaking you for someone else.
COBRA: Not as turned as my cousin Destro gets, let me tell ya.
COLORADO: Another joke for the dads. I love it.
COBRA: So what’s your name, guy?
COLORADO: Colorado Smith!
COBRA: And what brings you to the Puzzling Pyramid?
COLORADO: I’m on a quest for adventure, excitement, and–
COBRA: The treasure of Moses?
COLORADO: The thought had crossed my mind. Unfortunately, if this map is true, I am afraid I’ll never make it into the Pyramid.
COBRA: What’s the matter? Afraid of a little tunnel?
COLORADO: If it’s full of snakes, yes!
COBRA: Come on, I’ll walk you through.
COLORADO: No can do.
COBRA: It’s only 600 yards long. It’s like five football fields. Six if you’re from Canada.
COLORADO: Not gonna happen.
COBRA: Wow. I haven’t seen a heart that hard since the days of Moses?
COLORADO: Really? Moses had a hard heart?
COBRA: No, but the Pharaoh did. He refused to listen when Moses told him to set God’s people free.
COLORADO: He did, huh? So what happened to him?
COBRA: Bad things.
COLORADO: Bad things?
COBRA: Ten bad things.
COLORADO: How bad were they?
COBRA: You know that little tunnel you don’t wanna enter?
COLORADO: Yes.
COBRA: Worse than that.
COLORADO: Ouch.
COBRA: God sent a lot of bad things to Egypt because Pharaoh wouldn’t listen. A river of blood. Lots of bugs. Disease. Darkness. Pharaoh refused to listen. He should have been more like Moses. That guy listened when God called.
COLORADO: He hopped to it, as I recall.
COBRA: He sure did.
COLORADO: So the wise thing to do is to listen when God calls… even if it’s something you don’t wanna do.
COBRA: Look, pal, I know it’s not what you wanna do, but if you listen to me, I’ll help you slither inside this pyramid so you can find that treasure.
COLORADO: You promise not to bite me?
COBRA: I promise.
COLORADO: Not even a little?
COBRA: Not even a little snakey lick.
COLORADO: No strike fast, strike hard, no mercy, sir?
COBRA: For the last time, I’m Cobra Cai-RO!
COLORADO: Okay, Cobra Cairo. I trust you. Now lead the way.
COBRA: You got it. (Looks off stage.) Hey, guys, everyone clear the way! World famous explorer coming through, so no biting!
VOICE OFF STAGE: COBRAAAAAAA!
COLORADO: Let me guess, your cousin Destro?
COBRA: My brother Zartan. Come on, Colorado Smith!